Beginning of a broken record

I imagine that soon enough, this post will be very similar to the response I will be perpetually giving to questions like 'how are you?' and "so what's new?'

I am tired. So tired.

I can't sleep most nights until about 4 or 5 a.m. and if I am lucky, stay asleep for about an hour at a time. (Then I wake up, go pee, maybe get something to drink, and go back to bed.)

(Wow, I know it's my blog and all, but the first three 'paragraphs' all started with "I". Not a good sign.)

A lot of people seem to think I have had a really hard time with this pregnancy, and I've been doing a lot of reflecting on it and can sort of understand why, but at the same time, still deny that.

Yeah, I had morning sickness (a lot of women do), and during the first trimester had a series of scares and issues. First, the doctor though the baby was ectopic, and might have required termination. Second, had some bleeding the night before the wedding and ended up in the hospital at 2 in the morning, worrying about miscarrying while a rude doctor bluntly says there's nothing he could do anyway - pure truth with no bedside manner or consideration for the already worried pregnant woman's feelings. Third, the previously mentioned morning sickness plus not being able to eat or drink much, then going to work in an all black outfit on a hot August day, sitting in a small, not ventilated room in the corner of a metal building, running around using energy I didn't have and calories I wasn't taking in, all added up to requiring a trip to the hospital to be pumped full of fluids and then the subsequent finding of another job. (All parties involved thought it best, no one forced anything.) I'd also ended up with a bladder infection that took forever to treat, and the antibiotic use led to 'other' issues which also took forever to clear up. (Fun fun fun.)

The job I ended up taking was night shift (don't get me started on THAT) which over time, caused other serious issues, including sleep and emotional problems. Almost immediately after leaving that job, most of the issues cleared up, including the carpal tunnel (until recently, anyway.), the anxiety, depression and 'other'. I was seriously messed up working nights and for my own personal reasons alone, I will NEVER recommend (and will strongly recommend against) pregnant women working night shifts.

The next job I went to, I worked at only briefly because I couldn't handle the pain it was causing. Even doing light duties and wearing an elastic support brace, my ligaments in my belly hadn't been used to my being upright and walking around, lifting and carrying, for as long as was required at that job. The only way I could make it through a shift was either to sit and do nothing (impossible) or to take more Tylenol than I was comfortable pumping into my system and then because he gets a little of everything I get, the baby's.

Since leaving that job, things haven't been so bad. The baby was kicking my ribs until they felt bruised, swollen and so sore it hurt to breathe, sure, but if he was lower in my belly, I'm sure there would be 'other' pains anyway. Yeah, he punches me straight downward once in a while, and rests on and abuses my bladder. I've got some minor heartburn issues, am short of breath. What pregnant woman doesn't go through that? (No one tells you all the little details, lest you decide to not have babies...)

I have to have a bath every night before bed to settle the RLS I've been getting, to make it 'slightly' easier to sleep. The baby has started dropping, and my hips ache, my back is unrelentingly sore, my pelvis is about 40 feet wider and I waddle like a penguin.

Again, whose doesn't?

There's a long list of things that I haven't had issues with (I'm sure can still pop up in this last week, but so far so good.) and I think that they may be the reason I am so thankful and have a more positive outlook on the issues I do have.

Yeah, I get frustrated with the sleeping problems I am having, and every couple of days, after sitting in bed trying to sleep for a few hours, I cry. It helps. I sleep. (Most of the time.)

I don't have hemorrhoids, my heartburn/reflux issues are easily dealt with with a single Tums (all except one occasion), and the baby is healthy. Hell, people seem surprised that I haven't yet swelled up enough to have to take off my wedding ring (@ 39 weeks, I am told this is impressive. I don't get how it is impressive. Maybe not common, but impressive, really?) and that I haven't really gained a huge amount of weight. (Even though I sure made an effort, especially at Christmas. Man, I was eating a TON of food, and I think the baby was just active enough to burn it all off! Who knows?) A couple of people seem quite annoyed that I've had it 'easy' and that pregnancy isn't kicking (and widening) my ass, but the majority of people still sympathize and react to me in general as if I am super fragile, having had a really rough time. Which I still vehemently deny.

There's been some other stress, what with Chris having had his surgery (better BEFORE the baby is born, though) and being on very limited disability payments, my Maternity Leave STILL not having been calculated/decided/whatever (and it's been 2 months) so having had no income at all while of course, bills keep coming in, mortgage and car payments keep going out, and us silly people keep eating.

Financial issues aside, we're all doing great.

Chris' surgery went well (the doctor warned us it might take another surgery to clear up the problem, but luckily one was all it took!) and he has healed quickly and fantastically. He still isn't 100% healed, the skin is still re-growing, but all things in time.

The baby is still doing great. He's upside down, for sure, still kicks regularly and sleeps often, and I am almost certain he is posterior (facing my back) and dropping. (For those who don't know - if Baby was facing the front when I go into labour and doesn't turn during labour, his back will be up against my spine, which makes for very painful back labour and a tougher delivery, so I am told.)

My waddle has increased significantly over the last few weeks, my belly sticks out more, and is itchy and covered with what started out as stretch marks that looked like a tiger cub reached up and scratched my lower abdomen in an awkward stretch. These same stretch marks have slowly spread, but still aren't 'that' bad, and whether or not they are bad, I could care less about them! (I was never concerned about getting stretch marks, and am less concerned about whether they will go away or not.)

Other than not sleeping, and generally not feeling that well, I'm doing great, and am looking towards the future week or two with a tad more nervousness than last week, but I am still very excited.

My general view, going in, is that first of all, I've never done this before, don't know what to expect, and will go in with an open mind. If I can do it without pain medication, great. If I decide I want an epidural, so be it. I think I would prefer not to have the epidural, for many reasons, both related to me and the baby, but am not going to go in saying NO when I really don't know.

Secondly, if billions of women have done it before me (and a LARGE majority without pain medication), then I will be fine, too.

Thirdly, I knew what I was getting into when we got pregnant. I've always known that being pregnant isn't all pickles and ice cream and putting your feet up and eating more food. Some things were a bit of a surprise, some things the books didn't mention at all  especially how funny it would be to your husband that one second you'll be standing in the kitchen putting away dishes and then after a quick "oooh" you have to run to the bathroom to keep from peeing your pants because the baby is repeatedly punching it.
(none of the books mentioned the baby punching/kicking straight downward. "Baby McCrea, at your cervix." Chris likes to joke... I don't really find it as funny, because it is freaking painful.)

Regardless of all of the above, and all of the other symptoms or side effects of pregnancy I could have gotten, I know that none of it will matter the instant the doctor hands me the baby. There's no point in being bitter or resentful about 'what I had to go through' because I would gladly go through it all over again.

I haven't even met him yet. But I so can't wait.

Getting there

According to my doctor (or at least in his opinion), I will have this baby before the due date.

I am 50% effaced, not dilated, but yeah. YAY!

Letter to the Baby

Dear Baby,

There is still 2 weeks and five days until your estimated due date, and your father and I could not be more excited.

I think we are as ready as we can be, this has been a long journey, and yet it has gone by so fast. I hope to write you letters (I know some people will know where this is inspired from, I think it is a beautiful idea.) but don't know what to expect, because, well, it all depends on you! We may be so preoccupied that we will forget about the idea until you're having your own babies. Who knows.

The day we found out we were pregnant with you, I will always remember. After a trip to Cold Lake to visit my side of the family, and to have our wedding shower, we headed home and arrived late at night. We got everything brought in the house and unloaded, of all things, a washer and dryer! It was about midnight, almost one o'clock in the morning on July 21st, 2008, and we finally were getting ready to head to bed. I decided to take a pregnancy test, since there was a chance I could be pregnant.

I set it aside for a minute, glanced back, did a double take and yelled for your father. Literally. I had always thought I would be able to come up with a great way to tell him, writing a letter, or something clever that we would remember forever. Apparently not. He found out after I yelled "CHRIS!!!" and crankily headed into the bathroom to see what was going on.

I told him there was two lines. He asked what that meant. In absolute shock, I told him I thought we were pregnant, and the change in his face was instantaneous.

From then on, the rest of the pregnancy has been a whirlwind. Of everything!

We had been planning our wedding for about 10 months before we found out we were pregnant, and got married on the 8th of August. It was made even more exciting because we knew that you were on your way, to take us from Newlyweds to New Parents, all in the same year!

Although we didn't know this specific reason until the technician told me in the middle of it, we went for an early ultrasound, on August 15th, because the doctor thought the pregnancy was ectopic. We thought we were around 10 weeks, and were expecting you to arrive March 14th! Our due date was changed to the 27th after the ultrasound. We were glad to see that you looked healthy and everything was okay.

I had morning sickness from about the 7th week, until about 13 or 14 weeks. It was terrible. I was extremely nauseous all morning, couldn't stomach the thought of eating anything, and then at some point, usually between 12 and 2 p.m., I would be sick. I would feel quite a bit better not long afterward, especially if I ate something right away. If I didn't eat, though, the nausea would come back.

Dehydration was an issue for me, too. In the early months, the nausea and limited eating meant I was barely drinking, too, and I ended up having to go to the hospital ER from work, and they had to pump me full of IV fluids to get me feeling better. After that point, I was drinking a lot of powerade to try to keep hydrated in between being sick.

I felt so much better after the morning sickness went away, but still not great, since I was working night shifts at the time. The doctor told me he wanted me to switch to regular hours or find another job, since I wasn't doing very well at all. I left that job, found another with a previous employer and worked there for a few months, long enough to realize that being on my feet for eight hours was not going to be feasible with my growing belly, the ligaments and muscles were not used to supporting the extra weight vertically, so it was excruciating. I can only imagine what those shifts would have felt like as I got even bigger!

We had received as a wedding gift, a certificate towards a stay at a beautiful resort in Banff, and we went in October, as a mini honeymoon. It was beautiful and we both had a great time. The place we stayed at was a great outdoorsy place, there wasn't even television or phones in the rooms, which is pretty rare these days. We had a great time, spending actual time together, and it made us feel even more lucky to have one another, and to be expecting you!

For so long, I felt little fluttery movements, like butterflies in my belly, but very distinctly 'different'. (SO not just gas!) At long last, I felt the first kick, the first real 'hey, I'm in here'! I was blown away, and basically always distracted from that point on, every time you moved!

The first time we saw you on the second ultrasound, on October 31st, we were blown away. It was amazing to see how much you had grown, and the difference from the first one to the second one was huge! You were moving around like crazy during that ultrasound and the technician said she rarely sees that much movement! You were moving around so much, that we ended up having to book another ultrasound, the technician couldn't get pictures of your face and head! We did get told you are a boy, and we were very excited about that, but didn't tell anyone right away, since I didn't really see it and wanted to confirm at the third ultrasound.

Our third ultrasound, on November 24th, you were sound asleep the whole time so the technician got the pictures she needed easily, but of course had your legs crossed, so we couldn't confirm your gender like I had wanted to. The technician was very certain when she told us, and your father had seen the screen more clearly, so I was over 95% convinced you are a boy, and we told everyone. Finally. :)

We've been planning the nursery and getting ready for a long time. One of the first things we did after getting pregnant (besides making a doctor's appointment and buying prenatal vitamins) was checking out prices for all of the furniture we needed. We are very lucky, and have been given a lot of things as gifts from very generous family and friends. Your room has been mostly ready for a few months, and your father and I both got the nesting instinct a few weeks ago and finally got it completely ready.

The range of emotions I've gone through has been immense, from shock to amazement to disbelief, and even being terrified and panicking! Your father, however, hasn't really gone through anywhere near the same reactions! I kept waiting for him to panic, and he just stayed calm and happy, after the initial shock wore off! I know exactly the moment that he will react, and that will be the first time he holds you, the first time you grab his finger, the first time you look him straight in the eyes and smile.

The shock of 'we're going to have a baby' and 'oh-my-god we're going to be parents' didn't really start to wear off for me, until about 7 or 8 months, and after that turned into pure excitement. There's 19 days left, and it's all I can think about!

Lately, you've gotten so big that my stomach is much smaller, I can barely eat half a meal, and get regular heartburn. I've been drinking milk, for the most part, to keep the heartburn settled, and it usually works, at least long enough to eat something. On the really bad days, I eat some Tums, and so far, haven't had to try anything stronger. According to old wives' tales, heartburn means you'll be born with hair, but we'll see!

Sleeping is a challenge every night now, although it got complicated months ago! As soon as my belly started to grow, it became very difficult to turn over, and since I was a stomach sleeper before I got pregnant, it was hard to get used to sleeping on my side comfortably. Now, at 37 weeks and 3 days pregnant, I get up AT LEAST 2 times nightly, usually 3, to go to the washroom, and while I am up, usually have a drink of milk, since it helps me to get to and stay asleep.

It is quite the workout to turn over now, I am certain I wake up your father every time I do, but he denies it, so either he doesn't remember, or it's only momentary.

The last month or so I have been getting Restless Leg Syndrome at night, I end up having to have a warm bath and go to bed immediately afterward to be able to get to sleep. I don't mind, since I like having baths, anyway, but it's getting harder and harder to get out without slipping!

Your kicking has gotten stronger, although you are definitely kicking much less than you did before. The other day, you gave me three sharp kicks to the rib, they were excruciating! Before you could kick the fourth time, I pushed my fingers into my belly to block my ribs and you ended up kicking my fingers. The swooshing across my belly has gotten to be less often, too, I think you are running out of room! The doctor told me you are head down, which I had already kind of figured out when I could feel your foot gliding across my belly. Sometimes you just kind of stop in one spot, long enough for me to feel the shape, definitely a foot!

I am so excited to meet you, to hold you for the first time, to get to know your personality. I understand that the delivery and birth will be really hard on you, too, and that living in this world will be totally different than what you are used to, but we're going to do everything possible to keep you comfortable and happy. There are many people out here that love you already, and all are very anxious to meet you, too.

We've finally decided on a name for you, but are keeping it a secret, because, well, it's our decision, and people will be much less likely to criticize it at all once it is officially your name. And, besides, we want to make sure it will suit you when we meet you. How else could we know if it is truly your name until we meet you?

These last 19 days are going to go by so slow, because we are so excited to meet you! I can't wait to bring you home.

Your father sums up our feelings with one phrase: "This will be the best thing we've ever done."

I couldn't have said it better myself.

I love you.

Ready for baby when baby is ready for us

Well, I think we have everything we need. (I'm probably forgetting something crucial that I just don't know I need, but we'll figure that out when we get there, I guess.)

Crib. Check.

Change Table. Check.

Dresser filled with clothing. Check. (Thanks Chair and Mom!)

Shelf with diaper-changing accessories. Check.

Receiving blankets, towels, facecloths. Check.

Baby lotion. (being used by me - belly is itchy.) Check.

Car seat, stroller, high chair. Check, check, check.

Playpen/bassinet thing. Check.

All kinds of other stuff, toys big and small, lamp, bathing tub and stuff. All Check.


I am sure there is more to the list, but I don't feel like writing all of the little stuff. Except maybe these. We got these "Sprinkle No More" (aka Pee pee tee pee's) and also these ones from an etsy shop. I am going to sew a small ribbon 'hook' on the tip of each so they can be easily hung to dry near the change table.

Today, I went to the post office to get the last semi-big purchase we've made. We ordered a breast pump online, at http://www.breastpumpsdirect.com/ after researching A LOT, and seeing what is available to buy locally and all of the reviews on them, decided to buy this one from this place. Since Chris is planning to take 5 weeks parental leave at some point after his recovery, we both thought it might be a nice way for him to be able to bond with the baby. Or something. We'll see how it will go. I also think it might be good to have some milk stored for 'unknown'.

Maybe I think about stuff too much.

Actually, I know I do.

Either way, baby, (in 7.5 weeks) we're ready for you! :)

 
 

Food for thought that I really need to eat.

 

Healthy Tip

Say "Please"
Being a strong, empowered woman does not mean you have to be "supermom," or that you have to do everything yourself. One definition of the word empower is "to make someone stronger and more confident, especially in controlling their life and claiming their rights." Being empowered means accessing your inner strength to take control of the choices you have in your pregnancy and birth. Part of empowerment is recognizing when you need help and asking for it.
As a mother, there will be times when you will need to turn to others for help and support. It may be getting help with laundry and household tasks after the birth, or having someone look after your older kids while you take a nap with your newborn. Or, perhaps you need help now to get your house organized before baby's birth. People want to help, but they can't read minds. You may have to tell them what you need. Remember as a child when your parents taught you to say "please" when you asked for something? Sometimes as adults, we need to relearn that it's OK to ask for help, and that if we do so politely, others will gladly step up.
Find empowerment in pregnancy and birth. Know your limits and get help when you need it.


****Lately these email subscription things about pregnancy and birth and stuff are all RIGHT ON THE MARK WITH WHAT I NEED TO HEAR AND OR READ.****

Ow. and now what?

Went to doctor's this a.m. because been getting sharp burning excruciating pain in lower right abdomen.

Is MUCH worse at work, after standing for awhile or lifting anything with any decent weight to it.

Don't know what to do now:

Thank god doc says it doesn't sound/seem like hernia - he pressed on spots in my lower abdomen and made me cough - apparently that the test?

Figures I strained a muscle, and wants me to take it easy to prevent it from getting worse/tearing.

Doc wanted me to take next 3-5 days off to rest. Told him I JUST started back at this job and that taking extra time off at Christmas is not likely to be a good idea. (Work everyday except 25th and 29th. After which I have no idea what my next day off will be.)

I negotiated light duty instead, and so he wrote a note saying I am not supposed to lift any more than 5 pounds, and need to be able to take sitting breaks as needed.

He wanted me to do my job sitting, but not exactly possible. I would be useless and slow, and I would be better for the company if I just took the time off instead.

Man, if I had enough hours to start my maternity leave soon, I would. But I need another 150 or so.

I don't think there's any position in the grocery store that would be light enough duty for me to do, nor would there be anyone to cover the 29 hours I am supposed to work the next 5 days (not including the 25th. Including 5 today.).

I know from working previously and having to take time off/light duties due to obvious medical issues that my boss won't be happy, and in fact will demand an explanation of exactly what the note means.

"Blaine should be on light duties for the next 3 to 5 days. No lifting > 5 lbs. Sitting breaks as needed."

I'm pretty sure it's pretty clear.

I can't lift. I have to go slow and take it easy, and will most likely need a packer at my till during my entire shift. MEANING: boss will be bitchy. Really bitchy.

Have to leave for work in... about 20 minutes, and not sure what to tell my boss besides: "guess what? I'm here to ruin your Christmas."
______________

Here's where I have an issue with this.

I don't mean to sound like I have an ego, but I always feel, at almost any job, that I am the hardest working one. I find things to do if there isn't anything going on. I figure out ways to make things more efficient. I KNOW that when I worked at the IGA before, I was by far the quickest cashier, knew all of the codes, packed people's groceries the best way (wasn't stupid and put a loaf of break in next to a pineapple - UNLESS REQUESTED TO, which happens.)

People came to my till because they knew I was quicker and wouldn't screw it up. I also know that most of the other people I worked with were 'temps' who took the job because they wanted money, but didn't want to work, and usually quit within a few weeks, maybe a few months.

It is really hard for me to slow down. I have been trying to the last two days because this pain has been excruciating, and yesterday it took about 6 hours for it to go away, after my shift, by far worse than the first day.

My issue isn't the pain, though. It's in my head. If I slow down, I feel like I am wasting these people's time, because I know I could go faster, used to go faster. I feel like I am slacking, and if I have to have a packer at my till for every. single. order. I am going to feel like an idiot.

I know I am pregnant, and there are things I can't do anymore. It's just REALLY HARD for me to accept it, and going to be very difficult to practice what the doctor preached.

I know it will get a little slower after Christmas and New Year's are over, but after that point I am going to have to slow down anyway, because my belly is starting to make it hard to walk around and do things like I used to. (What the hell is it like at 8 months if at 6 months I am already having trouble?)

Internal conflicts suck.



***Oh, and doctor told me to take Tylenol ("BUT NOTHING ELSE") for the pain, but I think that would do more damage than good. I would probably end up 'feeling better' and working through the numbed pain, and make problems that much worse.

Thanks, but no thanks, I will gladly feel the pain. Especially if it prevents more pain.***

All about Sears

@Mom's reply: Closest Zellers is in Edmonton somewhere, not worth the drive, and I'm not eager to pay for home delivery, either.

Definitely unable to make trip to Edmonton to shop. Between Chris planning to use most of his vacation/PLD days for when the baby arrives, the roads, my just starting this job, and not wanting to wait too long to get stuff set up*, it's just not a possibility. Plus we aren't exactly eager to do too much travelling. Glad to go to Cold Lake in January (mental note: get Chris to call and book vacation today so we CAN go to Cold Lake in January) but other than that, not eager at all. I'm already getting quite uncomfortable staying in one position too long, so avoiding driving/riding in car is one of my priorities.

(*Still have this paranoid voice in the back of my head telling me to get ready EARLY... Trying to block it out, but I figure that being ready early can only make the voice shut up, and it would be better than being late, anyway.)

@Mom's reply#2: The crib was 'available' when the lady ordered it over the phone, and she's IN their system ordering it. So, I'm guessing it takes a few days for the order to process, and then they finally find out it's 'unavailable'. I don't know how their system works, but it's obviously flawed.

OH, AND THEY CHARGED MY CC FOR THE 2ND CRIB ALREADY SO I HAVE TO CALL TO GET THEM TO REFUND IT. Even though the crib is 'unavailable,' they charged my CC.

I still can't believe they refused to refund Grandma's money. If I was Grandma, I'd be on the phone arguing until they got sick of me wasting their time and just gave in. (I think that is partially what happened when I called about the crib, they were unwilling to do anything about it, and I continued to argue, and - in my head - showed no signs of backing down. I would have been on the phone with them all afternoon. I started out nice, but got pissed off fairly quick, especially when the lady kept interrupting me. I ended up yelling at her to stop interrupting me and told her it's very rude to interrupt their customers. Her reply: "Are you done?" At which point I lost it again and asked to speak to her manager who was, conveniently, not there.)

UNBELIEVEABLE.

Anyway, did you actually order it, or just get to the point of ordering it and then cancel the order?

_______________________________________________

We set up the mis-delivered crib, anyway. It was going to be very difficult to move that box now that the super strong straps were cut, and we would have had to sometime this week - it was laying in our kitchen. 6 feet by 5 feet of YOU HAVE NO WALKING SPACE. So we said screw this crap, we didn't want to bother 'picking out' another one, to probably have the same thing happen, so we just decided to keep this one. It is nice, I was worried it would be too 'feminine' with the curves on it, but it's for a baby. And it's white. How girly could it be?

After we set it up, I kept crying, the realization that we're that much closer to the baby coming. The CRIB is set up.

It's monumental to me. A HUGE step. Only thing huger would be the baby coming. (So far, that's my thought process, may change after the rest of the room is more set up.)

The crib looks perfect. I think we may have been meant to have this one, the other one would have looked a lot more 'box-y' and I don't think would have suited the room quite as well.

I'm thinking about going to pick up the mattress today, although am not sure how much it weighs, so don't know if I should be packing it around myself. Chris works (if he's lucky) until 2, and I start working at 2, until 6. The sears store here closes at 5:30. SOL.
_____________________________

There is still tons of things I wanted to buy from Sears, but after what I've been told about what Grandma went through, and my own personal hell dealing with them, I'm not too eager.

Might file a complaint with their service department, this is getting to be ass-backwards, and they deserve to know. (Wondering if they'll try to make us pay for the crib we received since we're keeping it? It's regular retail is $75 more than the one we ordered. I would be on the phone with them for WEEKS if I had to, to deal with THAT. You want to see an angry pregnant woman? Wait until Sears screws up more shit for me...)

Going to call them right now to get them to refund my money for the crib we won't be getting.

(In other news, first day at work was great, remembered most everything, some stuff still questionable, but since they changed all of the tobacco rules and lottery machine, it's to be expected.)

Feeling so much better

 I feel about 1000% better. I haven't done specific calculations, but that is my guesstimate. It may even be as high as 3000%.

I worked hard yesterday, staying up way later than usual, to write my resignation letter(s)* and get a few things done, including bringing said resignation letter to my now-ex-workplace and delivering it to my ex-bosses.

*Because of the incident that occurred on my last shift - tuesday night - I felt compelled to let the VP of operations and Head Office know about it. I may post more specific details. Not sure. Since none of my coworkers from there knew I have a blog, nor is it listed on my facebook (for a long time now) I don't fear they will read it, I just am unsure whether or not to post about it. Yet.

There was so much I wanted to say, so much that SHOULD be said, but I kept it to the most recent and important issues, because a 14 page resignation letter would do nothing but make me look like I complain.

I just feel I saw exactly how they could do a lot of things better. My coworkers usually agreed, and complained about doing things in the same, inefficient stupid ways.

YET, when I would suggest something to my ex-bosses, they would leave me a note saying they would 'consider' it, and that would be the end of that.

If I had any issues with something that wasn't supposed to be happening, or people not doing their jobs, I would leave a note to the bosses letting them know about it, presuming they would actually do something about it.

NOPE. WARNING: VENTING ABOUT TO OCCUR!!!

So, during one particular shift I came into work and found this:

- paperwork all over the front desk counter, unsorted, unfiled, unorganized, for no reason other than laziness.
- staff's personal dishes left on the f/d counter, including plates and cutlery, mugs, glasses, and garbage and half eaten chinese food on them.
- the continental breakfast, which is supposed to be re-stocked by the person who puts it all away 11 hours before my shift started, almost empty.
- the counter where the breakfast is put out, covered in crumbs, juice and milk spills, coffee and sugar spills, dirty dishes, and food bits that were obviously from the person who was on shift before me having ordered in chinese food, and serving it to themselves on that counter. (There was also a fortune cookie left there. I did not read it, although I am guessing it might have said "you will put in extra effort today.")
- The sinks, both in the continental area, where guests see it, and in the kitchen, had obviously had crumbs and cereal dumped into them, and then juice and coffee and hot chocolate on top. And not rinsed. It was disgusting. It looked like someone had vomited in the sinks. I was annoyed when I saw the first one, disgusted when I saw the second one. The second one was, of course, a double sink, too.
- The muffin tins that only nightshift uses to make muffins, had not been cleaned, again. This was my first night back after 4 off, and the only other person that works night shifts, thinks that when the muffins leave that ring of dried batter around the top of the ring, and spilled bits, and when she tears them out of their tins and it leaves a 2 inch chunk of muffin on the tin, putting them in the dishwasher, to be moistened, and then stacking them one on top of another, is appropriate cleanliness. (My routine was to soak the pans in a sink of hot water, use a scrubby to get rid of all of the muffin bits & rings, and then put them in the dishwasher to get the grease off - premade batter = more than 14g fat/muffin.) Needless to say, I was pissed to have to wash the soggy chunks and dried rings of batter before I could make muffins that night.
- There was 3 buspans with random bits of grossness in them that should have been cleaned. Very similar to the sinks, but not dry, and add cereal & raisin bits, stir sticks, and sugar and jam packets.
- Add to the buspans, a bunch of dirty dishes. ABout 4 loads worth.
- garbages behind the front desk and in the continental area overflowing with crap. Supposed to be emptied every shift/when half full, respectively.

It has been over a month, and I don't recall if there was anything else, although I am certain there was.

See, if there was one or two of the above, I could handle it, but considering it appears everyone left all of their regular duties from the 3 8-hour shifts previous to mine for me to do, I was pissed off.

I knew if I left a note for my bosses, nothing would happen. I was too angry to just sit back and take it, I had had enough of people leaving stuff for me, just because they knew that I am not one of those people who can just leave it for someone else. Besides, I would only leave it for someone else, if they had done it, and were coming in RIGHT after me, but that NEVER happens here, there's always someone in between. So, not fair.

I wrote every single thing in the communication book, and my feelings about it contiuously happening to me. Everyone who read those pages would easily have been able to say, okay so Person#1 was working the night before, she should have cleaned the muffins tins, Person #2 was working the mornig shift, should have restocked and cleaned the breakfast stuff, and done as many dishes as she could have. Person # 3 should have done this and that...

and so on.

At the end of the notes I made, I added a personal opinion about how it doesn't just boil down to pure laziness, but about respect for your coworkers. I said that they can't leave stuff like that for me to do just because they know I will do it. I mentioned that they should consider how I ALWAYS left everything clean, stocked and organized for them. No dirty dishes, breakfast set up with plenty of coffee made so that they wouldn't have to make any for awhile. Everything overly stocked so that they could not have to check it for awhile. Counters clean. No papers all over. No garbage in the bins, no garbage on the counters... 

There was never any proof that I ate AT ALL during my shifts, my personally-used dishes were always cleaned and put away.

Oh, and I NEVER put away ANY dishes that were dirty.

*I'd like to mention that I understand the kind of mess that was left for me could be excused IF THEY WERE BUSY. The had about 15 people in the hotel the night before, which is EXTREMELY slow, and means that they would have had nothing to do. There was 3 check in's during the shift before me, again, extremely slow, so no excuses AT ALL for any of them.

Anyway, apparently my venting note in the book pissed off my bosses, because the next day there was a note in there saying something about how they were the bosses and they should be the ones to tell everyone what to do. F*cking retarded. I was tempted to call them EVERY SINGLE TIME there was something left for me, or just leave it with a note for the bosses. I get pissed, I don't see action or I get treated like I am just complaining for the sake of it, and then I get vengeful. Very hard for me to deal with that, and it doesn't usually last long anyway, I end up doing everything the same way the next night. I JUST CAN'T DO WHAT THEY DO.

I REALLY wanted to start leaving notes in that book detailing every little thing I did during my shift that should have been done before I got there.

And the bosses who never actually do anything also felt compelled to make us all fill out this retarded survey. "Because everyone around here seems to think that they know how everyone else is supposed to do their job, we want to make sure that everyone DOES know how to do their job." Duh. Train them better, or tell them if other people are complaining about things. If they leave shit, tell them to stop. Effing duh. (Not management material, and that was strongly proved during the incident on my last shift.)

Then after all of the surveys were completed, they photocopied them all for each of us so we could see each other's answers, "blacking" out the names (it was obvious, and easy to still see the names anyway.) and filled in one with their answers. Then they left a note saying they would be getting together with each of us to go over what we'd answered. NEVER FOLLOWED UP.

The most pathetic thing about the survey was the way they felt the need to 'reassure themselves' that they were indeed the bosses, which proved to us all even more that they have no clue what is going on: "Question 16 (yes, there was 16 of these.) Who are the bosses and get to tell everyone what to do?"

Of course everyone answered that they were the bosses. No one meant it. No one respects them. I feel bad for the people who still work there. Not one of the front desk staff want to be there anymore, and it's because the bosses are doing STUPID things. They want us to do things the most inefficient ways possible, JUST shy of not doing them at all.

Some of the employees stick it out because it's an easy job. They get free food - the continental breakfast. Free access to the pool, if it ever gets done, and the gym. Cheap hotel rooms if/when they need them. They get to sit on their butt and do nothing. For most of their day. AND if they don't do something right, no one there cares anymore, because it's so obvious that the bosses do a lot of things worse.

So glad I am done there. So glad I am never going back. I *may* have considered it, before the afore-mentioned-many-times-incident.

Put it this way: Would you want to go back to a job where the boss came in to deal with a problem drunk, treated you like shit, and then after making the problem A LOT WORSE, blamed it on you and said very rudely on his way out the door: "Thanks for that."?

I didn't think so.

</venting>

(Last note about the above. I've sent details of the incident and my concerns for other employees, some of which I KNOW have been treated similarly, to the VP of operations, and head office. The BBB doesn't handle employer/employee disputes, and after looking up info on the labour board's website, it appears that the only grievances you can file with them are monetary based, if the company owes you vacation pay, for example. Would LOVE to send in a grievance somewhere about the conditions of my leaving this job, but don't think there's anywhere else to do it?)

_________________________________________________

Whew. Last time I am going to even bother thinking about that. Have a headache now. (Might also be because I haven't eaten much this morning.)

Onto better news: I'm huge! Well, not really, I guess, but it sure feels like it.

I already have to be very careful how I turn over in bed, 3 weeks ago, I pulled some abdominal muscles turning over the way I used to: basically whipping my body up off the bed and flipping. Not anymore. Now I scooch over, slowly roll or pull myself over, and then scooch to my spot, because at this point I am usually right up against Chris (heat factory) or the edge of the bed (dangerous).

:) I've noticed a definite change in body temperature, too, especially at night. Whew. Still need to wear socks and sometimes slippers during the day at home, but it's been awhile since I've needed my usual fall/winter/spring get up for hanging out in the house: socks, slippers, pants, t-shirt, sweater, blanket*. Yup. All of that. And even then, I am usually still cold. PLUS, this is with the heat set at an unreasonble 20 or 21. (I know, I know...)

Now, I'm pretty comfy in pants, socks, t-shirt*. At night, when I used to need two blankets, I find myself kicking them off and keeping them off for most of the night. And cuddling with the heat factory next to me? Not for more than 5 minutes, before we both get uncomfortable and feel gross!

*Yes, underthings, too.

____

The COOLEST part of being pregnant so far: being able to see the kicks. I never knew about that. Hell, they should put that on the front page of pregnancy books: "You will be able to see the kicks from the outside. WARNING: pregnancy may make you lay and stare at your belly like an idiot for hours each day."

It is so amazing, and if I have something resting up sort of against my belly, like my laptop sometimes, the baby moves the whole thing. I told Chris about it, and then when it happened, told him to stare at my laptop for a few minutes. He laughed his butt off.

The weirdest part (or one of several) has got to be seeing my heart beat through my chest and sometimes belly. I know there's a lot of extra blood in my system, and my heart is pounding harder than it ever has had to, but geez. It's little creepy to me. Sort of.

I laid back to stretch my back about halfway through this post and looked at my belly. Twitch, twitch, twitch, twitch.... weird...

____

Anyway, I need food, so I am going to end this abruptly.

Very, very abruptly.

:)

23 weeks

23 weeks, originally uploaded by theanykey.

I sometimes still wonder if it's real.

According to the baby books, a week ago the baby would have weighed at approximately 1 pound, and in 3 weeks (4 weeks span) the baby will DOUBLE his weight.

Wow.

Glad the rest of us can't do that. (I think.)

Plus, that explains why I have spent my days off SLEEPING and EATING. And laying around with absolutely no energy...

Instead of taking some of the 300 things off of my list of things to do. (Literally. But it's a VERY detailed list. IE: - Clean Baby's dresser (2nd hand from unknown people) - Move Baby's dresser to spot in room - fold and put away Baby Clothes. There's plenty more. Only about 1/4 of it is baby-related, unless you count cleaning the table/kitchen/addition/extra room that's full of boxes/ living room baby-related.)

Nesting?

 I've read that the 'nesting' instinct is primarily coined for the sudden impulse that some pregnant women will get in the week or so before she goes into labour, to clean, to paint, to organize and re-organize.

Maybe what I'm doing is that, maybe it's just a desire to organize the house, but either way, I'm calling it nesting.

I have a STRONG urge to get the baby's room ready NOW. I still have 4 months to go, but in the back of my head is a little pregnant version of me, saying "It will go by SOOO quick, and you might not feel like doing some stuff later. DO IT NOW."

I also have an urge to clean up and organize the rest of the house. Just generally sick of boxes and STUFF being everywhere. Today, we had a big step taken care of. We had some stuff we weren't going to bother to sell, but was still useable by anyone else, and tried to offer it to people via Freecycle. After living with this stuff in our house for a few more weeks with zero interest, finally called the local Neighbour Link. (Group of Churches that work together to pick up donated furniture/appliances/random other stuff and they distribute it to people in need. We've given them stuff before, and they are very nice people, and usually my first thought when we have stuff we no longer want. Depending on what it is, I try Freecycle first. Gotten a lot of stuff via Freecycle people, and like to offer them what we have, in case they can use it.)

All random tangents aside, I'm starting to lose the battle with the little version of me in my head...

She's starting to drive me crazy. I guess it's not so bad, I can block her out fairly well, but for the most part... I still find myself wishing I had another 24 hours each day. (Some days, for sleeeeeeep.)

Going to resist the urge to fold the little tiny baby blankets/ towels in the dryer, and go back to bed.