I have been informed

That I haven't updated here since my first day at my new job...

So here's what is new with me.

I recently went down to Cold Lake, in preparation for going to St. Paul on last Sunday for my (step) grandfather's funeral. He passed away last week, after a long battle with heart problems, diabetes, and most recently discovered, cancer. He was in a lot of pain because of the cancer, and they allowed him to have as much morphine as he wanted. I guess he was in and out of consciousness, I don't really know, I never got to visit him to say goodbye.

I was thinking about him a lot on his last day, while my sister visited him. I think his spirit knew I was thinking about him, and I feel like I was able to say that I loved him, and goodbye, because I felt so... what word works here... um, spiritually connected... all day. I was so not paying attention to what I was doing at work that day, that I smashed my hand between one of the meat carts, full of meat, and a stack of trays. It only brought me back briefly enough to look at the blue welt, and then forget about it.

So I do feel like I was able to say goodbye to him, even though not in person. And I am glad that he didn't suffer anymore.

I am also very glad that my sister told him the things she did. Apparently when she entered his hospital room, he basically said that he could tell he was dying because she had come to visit. She told him, whenever he was ready to go. That he didn't have to wait for us all to visit, that we would understand. That we loved him.

I am glad he didn't try to hold out any longer.

It didn't really hit me until at his funeral, my Aunt went up to say her Eulogy, one of several that were said. Everyone else told stories of John's youth, and we didn't know him then, but it was good to hear. Chair said more about his generosity, and personality, from when we knew him, and it made me start bawling, pretty much, because it finally clicked in.

I found that it was amazing that pretty much no one on our side of the room during the ceremony was really crying until Charity read her eulogy, and broke down herself. That pretty much finished us all off, and I could see tears in all of teh family's eyes.

After we brought out the Urn with his ashes in it out to the car, most everyone went back inside, and I kind of stood there crying, and my sister and I hugged my Grandma, and, I started to cry more.

I think John's 'other' family found it weird that we put nibs (the long strings of them) into his grave, along with the checker board, and other things that belonged to him. Everytime we went out to visit them, John had a stash of the nibs, and would bring them out for us to eat, and so they were a way of remembering him.

Man, if I had had the amount of money needed to buy it, I would have bought his and my Grandmother's old place off of them. It was so beautiful, I don't know how many acres, but it was so so georgeous, the paths, and the 'lake' that was usually muddy, but was still full of wildlife. The gardens out there were huge, and I think I wouldn't have been able to find the time, energy, or talent to keep them up.

But I still would have liked to be able to get up every morning a go for a walk on those paths. Back when Pookie was alive, she loved it, and taught her babe, Patches to love it too. Unfortunately, no one has the time to take Patches out for good long runs, and I wish I lived closer, because I would...

I have even thought of offerring to Mom And Dad to take him for a week every now and again, so I can take him out for good long walks here in Edmonton, but I don't know how he would react to being left here... especially alone while we're at work. We pretty much work different shifts, so I think there would be someone home always when he would be here, but I still don't hink my parents can live without him at home. It would be too weird for that house to not have a dog.

On another note, I saw my friends Jim and Nicole on Saturday night! First time I have seen Nicole since she was in Edmonton, and Jim, since I worked with him on his last day at the Pub...

I cried a little bit...

I will admit it.

I missed them.

Man, I would quit my job in a flash if they moved to Edmonton, and wanted to start a catering company with me, or a restaurant.

I can guarantee without a shadow of a doubt, if Jim came to Edmonton to work, and offerred me a job, it would be really hard to refuse... and I don't know if I could.

And then I would go to Cold Lake, kidnap Nicole and her daughter, and bring them up here and force her to work with us!!! Just kidding, but it's nice to dream.

Going to go now, have to keep unpacking... my house is a mess.

I am glad you are at peace, John Harris. We will always remember you. Stash some Nibs up there for when we eventually come to see you.

(I know it's a little morbid, and I don't care).

Always, Blaine.