New and Improved!

Now with a new job!

Yeah...

Starting on sunday (yeah I know- weird start date), I will be working at the new car wash in town. The owners are great, the woman - used to work at the Igg-ah with me - and her husband are planning on running it like a family business (because that's kind of what it is... a family owns it). There is a quick oil change place on the one side, and a 3-bay big-rig-sized-carwash on the other side. They can fit 3 big big big trucks or 6 regular vehicles in the bays.

It will be mostly days, and should be home by dinner time everyday... YAY!

And the best parts:

1- it's right next to a bunch of trees, -edge of the forest that surrounds the town- and there is apparently a group of little birds that have been hanging around the area that provide endless entertainment (running back and forth from a parked truck to behind the dumpster...)

2- I will get to use a fire hose that's hooked into the town's pressure to clean the bays, instead of using heated water from the wands. (Sounds like it will be fun, plus, a great workout - better than lifting watermelons at the tills...)

3- I won't just be sitting there, unless of course it is extremely slow, and I fully expect to get plenty of sunshine and fresh air, and a better workout than my previous job could ever allow. And, maybe in my downtime, if there is any, the bosses might let me take pictures of the surrounding nature and stuff...

4- Job security - I am the only full time person, and come wintertime, I will still have the same shifts and hours each week.

My only concern that I have is that nagging feeling I have in the back of my mind - this is the firs time I've put it into words - I am trying to be more green, more environmentally concious, and working for a place that uses as much water, chemical, and a fire hose to clean... I intend to try to cut down on the amount of fire hose time I absolutely need, but I know that the boss has the same OCD type of cleaning - no jokes about my house please* - as I do.

The Grande Opening is on the 25th, and they are planning a BBQ for customers, and plan to have a full day... Then, after the day is over, they plan to go back to their house and have a staff BBQ.

I might have to socialize. (Scares the crap out of me - not good at talking to people, but I am forcing myself to ask those little questions that get people talking. I think coming off of the pills helped to let me think on my own again. I feel so different off of them, that I am starting to realize that they were suppressing me.) But I will get through it, and people will probably think the same things about me that they all apparently do... They think I am friedly, outgoing, etc, when in reality, I am outgoing to cover up the shyness, if that makes sense. I make jokes, and usually - in my head - come off as a bit of a bitch.

I've also been working on my approachability. (Or the lack of.)

It is so creepy that after stopping taking these pills, I am slowly starting to, well, blossom, I guess. It's what it feels like. Slowly in the back of my mind, I am having thoughts that I think are more like real people. Not a medicated ball of nerves. I am less nervous, less paranoid. (So it was the pills!). (It also bothers me that there are so many people potentially being smothered by their pills, and they won't know it until they come off of them, IF they ever do.)

More confident, too. Self-assured. Before, I wouldn't have left the Igg-ah job because I'd feel like I was being a traitor or something. (How I've felt with past jobs I've left - intense guilt.)

AND, I have big news: On the trip to Cold Lake, (except for a brief moment while we were packing, where all I needed was a hug and an "it's okay" from Chris to alleviate the feeling)...

I HAD NO ANXIETY! None on the way there, none on the way back. This is HUGE for me!

Personal achievement. :)

Now I need to go clean.

*The OCD cleaning issues I have is not so much keeping the whole house completely tidy and sanitized at all times... It's that when I clean, I HAVE to clean very throroughly, and get distracted by other cleaning things... (I discovered it's not a good idea to clean the sink while I have food cooking, for instance. It took me about 20 minutes to clean the sink to my satisfaction, and the rice ended up boiling into a big sticky clump, with some burned to the bottom... Not pretty. One of the first things I've burned at home. (Kitchens with gas burners, it's easier to burn things... walk away for a second from that stirfry and BLACK!)

However, I am also more comfortable with having a clean house - junk and stuff wise - but it usually piles up and gets out of control - like a fire - and I never know where to start to get it all cleaned up. BUT IT DOES BUG ME! I am not messy, just lazy. Not much better.

Trying to do something about it. Going to clean the house today. Again. (It just takes so LONG, I end up halfway, take a break and forget to keep going.) Going to stop taking breaks, just plow through it!

:)

Can't wait to go to Cold Lake at the end of the month... see if the anxiety comes back at all! (Will be seeing more family, so it will be a great weekend!)

Off to the sink.