A little bit

 freaked out.
 
Went to the doctor today for a somewhat overdue check up and am going to the hospital tomorrow morning to get some blood work done.
 
Um... anybody who doesn't want to know too much about me should skip the next few paragraphs...
 
I have had irregular periods for awhile - few years now - and was even advised to talk to my doc about it from someone who has had similar symptoms and was diagnosed with something that I think (emailed to confirm) is the same thing.
 
So... Here's what my doc is testing for:
 
Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS)
 
Symptoms include:
 

infrequent menstrual periods, no menstrual periods, and/or irregular bleeding   (Have) 

infertility (not able to get pregnant) because of not ovulating  (Don't know)

increased hair growth on the face, chest, stomach, back, thumbs, or toes—a condition called hirsutism (HER-suh-tiz-um) (DON'T HAVE - that I know of...)

ovarian cysts (Don't know yet)

acne, oily skin, or dandruff (somewhat yes, yes and maybe a little bit)

weight gain or obesity, usually carrying extra weight around the waist (hmmm... Yeah, I got that...)

insulin resistance or type 2 diabetes (Don't know - being tested)

high cholesterol (Don't know - being tested I think)

high blood pressure (Normal)

male-pattern baldness or thinning hair (Not that I'm aware of...) 

patches of thickened and dark brown or black skin on the neck, arms, breasts, or thighs (Ummm... no. Got some moles, tho. They look normal according to the doc.) 

skin tags, or tiny excess flaps of skin in the armpits or neck area (Yup. Started when I was a teenager... hmmm...) 

pelvic pain (YUP. randomly throughout the month, too. No pattern.)

anxiety or depression due to appearance and/or infertility (I've come to terms with how I look, I like everything except the extra weight, BUT I am not depressed about it. If I found out I was infertile, I'd be crying for weeks. That scares the crap out of me.) 

sleep apnea—excessive snoring and times when breathing stops while asleep (I'll have to ask Chris about this one. I don't think I snore, but the stopping breathing thing... I do that sometimes when I'm awake. Sort of. I think.)

 
After reviewing the above symptoms, my first thought is "F.U.C.K."
 
I know that until I hear from the doctor, worrying is absolutely useless. But I sure can't help it. This is why I avoided even going to the doctor way back in, uh, 2005... It's really ironic thinking. I'm scared I will be told I can't ever have kids, and yet, I postpone the trip to the person who may be able to fix it if it comes to that. All the while knowing that any type of problem like this that comes up is ALWAYS better when it's caught early.
 
Sometimes I do really stupid things.
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ANYWAY.
 
Onto better news.
 
Today I went to see The Guy From The Jasper Hotels We Are Looking At To Have The Wedding At. (Or TGFTJHWALATHTW for 'short'.)
 
Got some confirmation about the ceremony and reception locations... They're ours! Yay!
 
We haven't signed the contract, BUT I have a copy of the contract with me, to review, and we can fill it out/sign and fax or email it to him!
 
Yay!
 
So, we are a few steps closer...
 
I was complimented a few times today, and felt so good about them I wanted to post about them. Just 'cause I can.
 
My doctor (while discussing past history and medications and my lack of being on birth control pills) after I said that I've wanted to have kids for as long as I can remember, told me that I look like a mom. Then he back tracked a lot, and told me to not get upset. (!?!?! Apparently he's had a lot of people take offense to that comment, as he explained.) He said he wasn't sure how else to say it, then he sort of came up with it, and said that what he meant was that I seemed like the caring type.
 
Later on, I was told by TGFTJHWALATHTW that I was very organized, and 'on the ball'. He said that because I was so calm, and making sure the little things are worked out early made his job really easy. He said that meeting with me is a pleasure and that I am very easy to work with!
 
Maybe now, but when I'm stressed out the week before the wedding might be a different story.
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I've got a bunch of photos I need to go through and organize and upload, and some videos of Chris working that I'd like to upload, too.
 
:)