Anyone who walks

 
This is an open request to anyone who may or may not go for a bunch of walks where there may or may not be a bunch of pussy willows that people might be willing to pick for me.
 
I am hoping to accumulate a bunch of them, to use at the wedding, but there isn't a whole lot around here, not that I have seen, anyway.
 
So... if anyone knows where they can get a bunch, it would be greatly appreciated, and I will figure out a way to get them from you to me...
 
Got a bunch of ideas floating around now...
 
Yeah.
 
If you can/will, please let me know, and thank you!
 
:)

I am going to miss it.

 
I am going to miss Hinton. A lot. You can't see the mountains from Edson, and the lady who told Mom she could from the one part of the town is either thinking of something else, or she's looking at a picture on the wall.
 
I couldn't see them at all from anywhere in Edson. It's usually about 20 minutes out of Edson before you see them for the first time.
 
I've really been taking it for granted how close we are to such an amazing view. I am glad I have pictures, but none of them do the real ones any justice.
 
I am thankful we aren't moving further away from them, Edson is a nice distance from the city (2 hours) and Jasper (2 hours). Right smack dab in the middle. 
 
Edson looks a lot more like Cold Lake than Hinton does. Hinton has hills. A lot of them. Edson... has... sky and trees. And a really long town.
 
I should be packing...
________________________________________________________
 
It was recently brought to my attention that I forwarded an email about a peeved off lady venting about how she doesn't care how people are being treated when it comes to the war, etc.
 
While I am not as good at expressing how I am feeling and thinking about things, I admit that I barely read that email, and felt the immediate need to send it to other people.
 
Well, my eyes are opened a lot more than they were. The comments (the whole damn email) was not only offensive, but also bigoted. It is basically a big religious rant from someone who eyes are closed, whose mind is closed.
 
I would like to apologize to everyone that I sent the email to. Not just for sending you crap, but because I should have read it better, contemplated it awhile before sending it.
 
I like to think of myself as a person who tries to not judge, to be biased, racist, judgemental, and as a spiritual but not religious person, I am ashamed that I thought that the email was a good one to forward.
 
"Doesn't not caring about terrorists imprisoned make a person just as messed up as they are?"
_________________________________________________________
 
My tendancy to block things out, like some of the horrible things going on in the world, usually comes back to bite me in the ass. If I take a good long look at the world, I get depressed. The way people are treating other people, animals, the environment. It all upsets me. I am too sensitive to deal with a lot of things, and it is another reason why I want to go back to a counsellor, just to talk things over with someone else, to find ways to deal with things, instead of blocking them out.
 
I am easily swayed into taking different sides with emotional subjects and need to reinforce to myself that taking time to think things over before deciding something is a good thing. 
 
You know those commercials where they show you video or pictures of animals that have been tortured/mistreated/used for testing? I cry when I see those. I have to hide when they come on, because I WANT to watch them, but it upsets me to no end.
 
Chris will change the channel to avoid the aftermath.
 
I mostly avoid news channels/websites/headlines because I don't want to know. I know it is selfish to live in my own little bubble, and again, why I want "therapy", because I'd like to know what's going on where, and understand more about why.
 
I do try to be a good person. I recycle as much as possible, even bringing plastics all the way to Cold Lake when we travel so that they get recycled, rather than letting them go to a lanfill here.
 
In Hinton, instead of regular garbage cans, they have these town-issued bins, they are a little more sturdy, and the truck uses a mechanical arm to life them up, like a small dumpster, instead of the drivers having to wrench their backs lifting garbage all day. I am proud to say that while all of our neighbors have theirs filled to overflowing each week (it can hold about 10 bags of garbage), we usually go about 5 or 6 weeks between NEEDING to put the bin at the curb. And even then it's not usually full. Between all of the cardboard, plastic, paper, etc. that we recycle, it has lowered our 'contribution' to the landfill by massive amounts. If we had gotten a composting thing set up like we'd wanted to, it would have reduced our garbage by another 50% (composting is not recommended in Hinton: attracts a lot of wildlife to the point that they usually recommend that people don't even put garbage outside at all until garbage day.) (didn't have the $$ to buy the bins that compost it in 28 days.) We would have put the bin out once every two or three months.
 
I try to be nice to people, I try to be open minded about every facet of every lifestyle, religion, culture.
 
I'm just a little slow at times, I guess.
 
:) I can just try to make up for my err by being a better person from now on.
 
I promise I will think about emails before I blindly forward them. I will consider the deeper meaning, the words chosen, and how other people might read the email, not just how I read it.
_____________________________________________________________
 
And I will get a composting thing.
_____________________________________________________________
 
This whole thing is kind of embarrasing to me, because I wanted our wedding to be as environmentally friendly, socially and ethically conscious as is possible without it costing $100 000. Our lives are heading in that direction, and it's what we both want.
 
We are kind of going with a 'green' theme, both in the colour and the 'natural, earthy, fair-trade, lowest footprint' sense.
 
I know we've already screwed up a lot of it, some things are definitely not quite fitting, but we have plans for offsetting. We want to have a great day, with everyone we love, but we don't want to leave a mark because of it.
 
We are trying to be concious of our plans, our decisions.
 
I'm not sure if we will have flowers, unless I can find fair-trade organic ones. I'm not sure I'd want to hand the ladies closest to me a bundle of pesticide laced preservative dipped sweatshop flowers. I might as well give them rat poison.* 
_____________________________________________________________
 
*I am fully aware this statement might be a bit of an over-reaction, but, when you look at it in the grand scheme of things... do I really need a bunch of flowers to celebrate with my friends and family? Do I really need anything but to be there with them?
 
I am trying to minimalize everything, reusing a lot of things, using things that can be reused by other people (Steph, anything from my wedding: you want it, it's yours to use.) not buying stuff because it's pretty. If I don't need it, I don't want to bother.
_____________________________________________________________
 
While Chris and I are traditional in a lot of ways, we are also unconventional. There is a lot we are not doing for our wedding, that I already am aware people whill be asking why.
 
I've already been balked at by a few people because Chris and I don't believe in the "The bride and groom can't see each other before the ceremony, because it is bad luck." It's not bad luck, it's an old tradition dating back to the days when women were literally 'given' away, and her father had to pay a dowry to the grooms family for taking her! (Because women were worth less, back then.) Same with the veil over the face. The seeing each other thing and the veil were so that if the bride was not attractive physically, the groom would not fully see her until they were already married. (It was to prevent the groom and his family from calling off the wedding if the bride was ugly, basically.)
 
Chris and I will be seeing each other before the ceremony. I decided that after I get my hair and stuff done, I don't want him to see me, not for any reason other than I want the full view of me walking up the aisle to be a surprise. He won't be seeing my dress until then, although, if he'd wanted to, I would have had no problem with that, either.
 
We won't be throwing the bouquet or doing the garter toss. Mostly because we aren't overly comfortable with them, but also, I've been 'singled' out at weddings enough to know that it is kind of embarrassing. There are some people who truly enjoy these traditions, but Chris and I both don't. If someone else wants to do those at my wedding, feel free, but we (so far) probably won't.
 
I was thinking when we started planning the wedding that I would be getting gel nails for the wedding because they are elegant and gorgeous and whatever, but I've been thinking it over, and it just isn't me. I want the theme to incorporate natural elements, and then get fake nails? How would that make sense? My natural nails will be perfectly fine. Who will notice the difference anyway? If I am beaming, no one will criticise because I didn't get fake nails. (And if they do, well... I have an opinion for that, too.) Gel nails are ok for some. They look really cool, but in the end, it's more chemicals my body doesn't need. (My body is going through enough right now, thankyouverymuch. 3 different antibiotics plus an antibiotic cream in recent weeks... plus advil. A lot of advil.)
 
I really hope that this post doesn't sound preachy or 'better-than-thou' because I am sure aware I have a lot of problems, a lot to work on. Some things work for some people, some things work for others. A lot of the traditional wedding stuff doesn't work for me. That's just the way it is.
 
I also find it kind of awkward when everyone who is telling me to do what I want for the wedding then is astonished that I do things that are important to me, and choose to not do other things. I am discovering that some of the things most important to us are some of the things that no one knew about us. I'm not sure if that will make sense to everyone else.
 
Basically, this wedding has given me the opportunity to open up and stand a little taller, a little stronger when confronted with arguments about something I believe in, something that is important to me.
 
And I am glad.
 

Going to be distant

 
Hey, how's it going?
 
I just wanted to let everyone know that until after we've moved and get a little settled, I may or may not have time to play around online, so I won't be emailing much, facebooking, posting pics or blogging...
 
Myabe.
 
See? I don't even have time to fix my mistakes! I have to go pack like a freaking monster now!
 
If monsters pack, that it. (If they do, please send all monsters, including bogeyman, abominable snowmen, blurry sasquatches, loch-ness', beasts, etc, to my house. Their help will be greatly appreciated. Thanks.)

My Wedding Gown

 
It's in. In the store. In Edmonton. Already.
 
It was ordered in the end of October. They told me about 6-8 months for it to come in.
 
It's been 3 and a half.
 
I want to go to Edmonton. Now. To say hello to it.
 
...
 
...
 
...
 
I am a combination of freaking out and excited, and OH MY GOD I HAVEN"T HAD A CHANCE TO START LOSING WEIGHT YET!!!
 
It's way too soon to start alterations, so I have no idea what we will do...
 
AAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!


 

 
 
 

Because I love meme's

 
 Six things/habits/quirks about me
 
 - I talk to my dogs. And I don't just mean "Good girl Marley" and the usual stuff. When Chris isn't home, and sometimes even when he is, I talk to her almost constantly. Not just about regular stuff, too. I asked her what she thought about real vs. fake flowers for the wedding yesterday. She seemed indifferent, and I assume it's because she won't be at the wedding anyway. (There are times when we are all home, I will be talking to Marley and Chris will come down the hallway and ask what I said... Then gives me a weird look when I say I was talking to Marley.) And, no, I don't make decisions based on Marley's response/reaction to my questions and stuff. I usually ask her, and talk to her about things I need to figure out myself and just need to hear it aloud. I used to talk to Patches a lot, but he doesn't go online anymore.
 
 - I love cooking. I love baking. And yet I can't do it. When I have guests, I can pull off fancy meals that are healthy, interesting and tasty, but when it is just Chris and I, I struggle to make anything more creative than spaghetti. (There isn't anything wrong with spaghetti, per se, but it gets old... when you eat it for a week straight each month.)
 
 - I am overly neurotic at work. Once I've organized something, it irks me when things get moved, or aren't put back just right. And yet, our house is a freaking sty. Papers everywhere, right now there is papers and boxes and packing stuff everywhere, and laundry that lives it's whole life in baskets. Why do you think our bedroom door is closed when we have guests? It's terrible in there, too. That's where the overflow and the 'quick-we-have-guests-coming-over-where-should-I-put-this?' goes.
 
 - A lot of people tell me that they think I am outgoing and independant, strong and determined, self-confident, blah blah blah. And yet I hide from social situations (not always, getting better, but have to start all over in Edson), depend on Chris way more than I probably should - mostly emotionally and psychologically. I think I am relatively strong physically, if I was compared to most women, especially younger ones, but emotionally and psychologically, I am weak. And I mean weak! I know that some of the reasons for my thinking this, some people would argue is just sensitivity, but I also think that by now (24.5 years old) I should have learned to deal with things a little better. I also feel that the long period of time (starting in mid/late teens) being on the antidepressants, might have something to do with that. I feel like when I came off of the pills, I was emotionally where I was when I started taking them. (so 16 or 17 @ 24.5 years old).
 
    As for determined, well, I see it as stubborn, and the self confidance is primarily a wall I built to keep me from cowering while out in public. Again, not as bad as I make it sound, I am sure, but I still feel more comfortable going anywhere with someone else. I can handle grocery shopping, going to the lirary, basic errands, but as for getting meals anywhere, I feel like I am being judged if I go somewhere alone to eat. So I don't. I don't think I ever have, not including drive thru's.
 
 - What's that now? Four. Great, I have to find 2 more... Um... I get cravings to exercise. A lot. And I sometimes actually do something about it. A lot less lately because it has been so cold, and most recently because of the packing frenzy that we are starting.
 
 - I am aching to do crafty stuff. I have cross stitching stuff somewhere, and a couple of cross stitch projects started, I am in the middle of planning/excecuting some things for the wedding, that now have been put on hold until after we've packed, moved, cleaned, unpacked, organized, relaxed a bit... Then I will realize the wedding date is creeping up behind me, I will freak out a little bit, and get started on them again. Luckily, none of them are urgent. Ok, one of the projects is relatively urgent, but that's because once I am done with them, they are going to someone else who is doing something else time consuming to them, and then back to me to finish them, and then do the other stuff I have to do with them...
 
  I have a sewing machine, and don't really know how to use it. Self-taught is kind of hard, so the projects I have done have fairly crappy seams.
 
  I also want to learn to knit, especially before we have kids, so I can make little booties and hats and stuff. And I am thinking of trying to follow in my aunt's footsteps and start trying to make some journal type books, but I think I will start with something simpler.
 
 
 
I'm also not going to tag anyone, because the people I know who have blogs have either already done it, or will if they choose to. Who am I to tell them what to do?   
 
 

"Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it."

 
Quote by Jane Wagner, (and Lily Tomlin)
 
I'm stressed. This month is proving to be a tough one, for me, for Chris, for us together.
 
Sure. There has been a few good things.
 
We found our apartment relatively at the speed of light, and it was a great deal considering our home province, OIL-LAND, Canada.
 
The mechanic we brought the neon to looked all over the engine and couldn't find a leak. We were told to drive it a lot over the weekend and bring it back for him to inspect again. We didn't really, but Chris took it to work today, so if there is the tiniest bit of smoke on his drive there or back, it is going straight to the mechanics tomorrow morning. Best part of this is that the mechanic didn't charge us anything for the time he spent trying to find the "leak". Hopefully, it is just a freak one time thing, seeing as how it started in the - 46 C weather we had there, I have convinced myself it was somehow cold-related. We'll see. (Knock, knock. That was me knocking on wood. Just a little superstitious. Sometimes.)
 
Marley has been doing pretty good, even with the sudden flood of boxes, bags of paper for wrapping, boxes, packing tape and boxes. She doesn't normally take change very well, but we've been trying to 'introduce' her to all of the new things, spend a lot of time with her, and try to explain to her that yes, we are moving, but she is coming with us, and that we would never leave her behind. (I know that it might seem a little weird to have half conversations with my dog, but she's the closest thing I've got to a little girl right now, and she understands pretty good - or seems too, anyway.)
 
We've been lucky to get a lot of help by means of boxes and packing material, we got a storage thing in Edson quick and easy, too. Chris will be bringing a couple of boxes to work with him everyday (6 days a week) so that we'll have a little less to move later on.
 
We've been stressed mostly about the time crunch, the amount of packing to do, and the sudden addition of moving costs to our bills this month. Oh, and wedding stuff. Plenty of wedding stuff. I've been trying to sort out the bridesmaid dress info, and after getting a few different answers from a few different places, I called, talked to the managers and got straight answers.
 
None of which were really good news. But, oh well. It wasn't terrible news, so it's not too hard to deal with.
 
It's been an overwhelming amount of stress right from the middle of last month. Started with the sinusitus infection, followed closely by my realization that  folliculitus had returned. Add in the really cold snap with the car problems, our decision to move, apartment hunting, $$$, and a bunch of wedding stuff...
 
I am trying to look at it as a challenge, and a bunch of smaller things than a big pile to overcome. And, taking it one step at a time (I'll do this right now, and focus on that later.) and not looking at the big picture (I have HOW MUCH STUFF TO DO?) is much easier, once you get the hang of it.
 
So, I am dealing with it fairly well, I think. Until today, at least. I may be coming down with something. I woke up feeling so freaking sick... and it only got worse. I couldn't even stomach the idea of taking my antibiotic, but then again, anyone who has smelled "Cefelex" understands. (Probably the stinkiest antibiotic ever.)
 
I went to work anyway, hoping to feel better, and no. Gawd, no. Quite the opposite.
 
I was cold, very cold, still am. Dizzy, nauseous, achey and ended up sick. (You know what I mean.) I still don't feel that great. I had a bath after they sent me home - I tried to call in someone else, but couldn't get ahold of her. I felt a little better after the bath, and so far, the soup I had has stayed down. Still nauseous, a little dizzy. And so freaking achey. Oh, well, I hope it passes soon, whatever it is.
 
I feel like I do a lot of complaining on this blog... hmmm...
 
I just don't have much to talk about. (I don't want to give away all the details of the wedding!)
 
:)
 
I am cold again, I need to go put on my slippers or grab my freshly cleaned blanket (Marley was sick recently, and when she's sick, her whole body smells of it. It's like it osmosis's out through her skin (although if dogs don't have sweat glands, that doesn't make sense.) and she tends to curl up in every blanket/pillow/sweater/fresh laundry/dirty laundry/wet towels/cloth bag/anything she can find.
 
She even tucked herself in the other day when she curled up on Chris's side of the bed. It was on top of the blanket, but she kicks it around and digs in whatever she lays in, and she made a little cavern type thing.
 
And, I've found a really good substitute for pop. (Oh, Pepsi, how I miss you) Juice, and tons of it. Orange, Apple, Strawberry Oranage Banana, my fave.
 
Coffee is still a weakness, although a rare one, and getting rarer. Eventually I think I will be able to give it up completely again. :)
 
The 500 feet outside our new apartment will make it tough, but a good test for my willpower. It helps that Edson's TH has one of the worst perma-lineups I've ever seen. Yes, worse than Cold Lake's. Both of them.

And a packing we will go

 
Here's the latest info on what's going on in our action-packed fun-filled lives.

I am sure that most will remember my 'connect the dots' phase, where I had folliculitus. (Horrible horrible horrible. Emotionally sensitive, still hard to deal with, especially with the wedding about 6 months away.) Well, I never really thought about it, (considering I was told way back then that it could come back, and I have to be careful what kind of environment I put myself in longterm) but working at the car wash was probably a choice I should have considered more. Everything about the job is great, even in the super cold days it wasn't that bad, so obviously that says something about not only the job, but the people. (Amazing bosses. Really caring people.) BUT, (there's always a but somewhere) it's coming back. So, I was looking to leave my job - and already discussed this with my employers.
 
I can go on antibiotics right away for the folliculitus - I had to wait a few weeks because I was just on some strong ones to get rid of some pretty nasty sinusitus. But, the chemicals floating around in the air - and my getting sprayed in the face a few times a week - all not so good.*
 
THEN we had that uber cold snap (-50 ish with windchill is freaking ridiculous) and the car Chris was driving (Dodge Neon) started smoking and burning oil. SO, because we figure it would be better for me to break down in town than him on the highway (very spotty cellular reception), we are now spending more money with him driving my car to work. (Twice as much in fuel. Oy.)
 
We still need to make an appointment to get the neon looked at and find out what's wrong with it. Yay. (<- insert sarcasm back there.)
 
And the biggest of the news: after considering all of this and a bunch more other stuff, we decided on thursday that we need to move. 

So... spent today in Edson, went with Chris to work, and we looked at and got an apartment.
 
We will be moving in March 1st.
 
So... we now have a ton of stuff to do. On top of the other ton of stuff I had to do before we decided to move... oh well, now I get to prioritize. For instance, tomorrow, we will be taking care of finally taking down the christmas tree. Yes, really.

 
 *The chemicals in the car wash are environmentally friendly, but like all chemicals, are still CHEMICALS, and are still dangerous. I've been getting more and more sensitive to things, including allergies, and my athsma's not as mild as it was before. The list of things that bug me is getting longer by the day, it seems.
 

We now have a ton of cleaning, packing, minimizing and decluttering to do before we move at the end of the month.
 
So, yeah. We need to find boxes. Lots of boxes. Produce departments will be hearing from us, and soon.