I am going to miss it.

 
I am going to miss Hinton. A lot. You can't see the mountains from Edson, and the lady who told Mom she could from the one part of the town is either thinking of something else, or she's looking at a picture on the wall.
 
I couldn't see them at all from anywhere in Edson. It's usually about 20 minutes out of Edson before you see them for the first time.
 
I've really been taking it for granted how close we are to such an amazing view. I am glad I have pictures, but none of them do the real ones any justice.
 
I am thankful we aren't moving further away from them, Edson is a nice distance from the city (2 hours) and Jasper (2 hours). Right smack dab in the middle. 
 
Edson looks a lot more like Cold Lake than Hinton does. Hinton has hills. A lot of them. Edson... has... sky and trees. And a really long town.
 
I should be packing...
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It was recently brought to my attention that I forwarded an email about a peeved off lady venting about how she doesn't care how people are being treated when it comes to the war, etc.
 
While I am not as good at expressing how I am feeling and thinking about things, I admit that I barely read that email, and felt the immediate need to send it to other people.
 
Well, my eyes are opened a lot more than they were. The comments (the whole damn email) was not only offensive, but also bigoted. It is basically a big religious rant from someone who eyes are closed, whose mind is closed.
 
I would like to apologize to everyone that I sent the email to. Not just for sending you crap, but because I should have read it better, contemplated it awhile before sending it.
 
I like to think of myself as a person who tries to not judge, to be biased, racist, judgemental, and as a spiritual but not religious person, I am ashamed that I thought that the email was a good one to forward.
 
"Doesn't not caring about terrorists imprisoned make a person just as messed up as they are?"
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My tendancy to block things out, like some of the horrible things going on in the world, usually comes back to bite me in the ass. If I take a good long look at the world, I get depressed. The way people are treating other people, animals, the environment. It all upsets me. I am too sensitive to deal with a lot of things, and it is another reason why I want to go back to a counsellor, just to talk things over with someone else, to find ways to deal with things, instead of blocking them out.
 
I am easily swayed into taking different sides with emotional subjects and need to reinforce to myself that taking time to think things over before deciding something is a good thing. 
 
You know those commercials where they show you video or pictures of animals that have been tortured/mistreated/used for testing? I cry when I see those. I have to hide when they come on, because I WANT to watch them, but it upsets me to no end.
 
Chris will change the channel to avoid the aftermath.
 
I mostly avoid news channels/websites/headlines because I don't want to know. I know it is selfish to live in my own little bubble, and again, why I want "therapy", because I'd like to know what's going on where, and understand more about why.
 
I do try to be a good person. I recycle as much as possible, even bringing plastics all the way to Cold Lake when we travel so that they get recycled, rather than letting them go to a lanfill here.
 
In Hinton, instead of regular garbage cans, they have these town-issued bins, they are a little more sturdy, and the truck uses a mechanical arm to life them up, like a small dumpster, instead of the drivers having to wrench their backs lifting garbage all day. I am proud to say that while all of our neighbors have theirs filled to overflowing each week (it can hold about 10 bags of garbage), we usually go about 5 or 6 weeks between NEEDING to put the bin at the curb. And even then it's not usually full. Between all of the cardboard, plastic, paper, etc. that we recycle, it has lowered our 'contribution' to the landfill by massive amounts. If we had gotten a composting thing set up like we'd wanted to, it would have reduced our garbage by another 50% (composting is not recommended in Hinton: attracts a lot of wildlife to the point that they usually recommend that people don't even put garbage outside at all until garbage day.) (didn't have the $$ to buy the bins that compost it in 28 days.) We would have put the bin out once every two or three months.
 
I try to be nice to people, I try to be open minded about every facet of every lifestyle, religion, culture.
 
I'm just a little slow at times, I guess.
 
:) I can just try to make up for my err by being a better person from now on.
 
I promise I will think about emails before I blindly forward them. I will consider the deeper meaning, the words chosen, and how other people might read the email, not just how I read it.
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And I will get a composting thing.
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This whole thing is kind of embarrasing to me, because I wanted our wedding to be as environmentally friendly, socially and ethically conscious as is possible without it costing $100 000. Our lives are heading in that direction, and it's what we both want.
 
We are kind of going with a 'green' theme, both in the colour and the 'natural, earthy, fair-trade, lowest footprint' sense.
 
I know we've already screwed up a lot of it, some things are definitely not quite fitting, but we have plans for offsetting. We want to have a great day, with everyone we love, but we don't want to leave a mark because of it.
 
We are trying to be concious of our plans, our decisions.
 
I'm not sure if we will have flowers, unless I can find fair-trade organic ones. I'm not sure I'd want to hand the ladies closest to me a bundle of pesticide laced preservative dipped sweatshop flowers. I might as well give them rat poison.* 
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*I am fully aware this statement might be a bit of an over-reaction, but, when you look at it in the grand scheme of things... do I really need a bunch of flowers to celebrate with my friends and family? Do I really need anything but to be there with them?
 
I am trying to minimalize everything, reusing a lot of things, using things that can be reused by other people (Steph, anything from my wedding: you want it, it's yours to use.) not buying stuff because it's pretty. If I don't need it, I don't want to bother.
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While Chris and I are traditional in a lot of ways, we are also unconventional. There is a lot we are not doing for our wedding, that I already am aware people whill be asking why.
 
I've already been balked at by a few people because Chris and I don't believe in the "The bride and groom can't see each other before the ceremony, because it is bad luck." It's not bad luck, it's an old tradition dating back to the days when women were literally 'given' away, and her father had to pay a dowry to the grooms family for taking her! (Because women were worth less, back then.) Same with the veil over the face. The seeing each other thing and the veil were so that if the bride was not attractive physically, the groom would not fully see her until they were already married. (It was to prevent the groom and his family from calling off the wedding if the bride was ugly, basically.)
 
Chris and I will be seeing each other before the ceremony. I decided that after I get my hair and stuff done, I don't want him to see me, not for any reason other than I want the full view of me walking up the aisle to be a surprise. He won't be seeing my dress until then, although, if he'd wanted to, I would have had no problem with that, either.
 
We won't be throwing the bouquet or doing the garter toss. Mostly because we aren't overly comfortable with them, but also, I've been 'singled' out at weddings enough to know that it is kind of embarrassing. There are some people who truly enjoy these traditions, but Chris and I both don't. If someone else wants to do those at my wedding, feel free, but we (so far) probably won't.
 
I was thinking when we started planning the wedding that I would be getting gel nails for the wedding because they are elegant and gorgeous and whatever, but I've been thinking it over, and it just isn't me. I want the theme to incorporate natural elements, and then get fake nails? How would that make sense? My natural nails will be perfectly fine. Who will notice the difference anyway? If I am beaming, no one will criticise because I didn't get fake nails. (And if they do, well... I have an opinion for that, too.) Gel nails are ok for some. They look really cool, but in the end, it's more chemicals my body doesn't need. (My body is going through enough right now, thankyouverymuch. 3 different antibiotics plus an antibiotic cream in recent weeks... plus advil. A lot of advil.)
 
I really hope that this post doesn't sound preachy or 'better-than-thou' because I am sure aware I have a lot of problems, a lot to work on. Some things work for some people, some things work for others. A lot of the traditional wedding stuff doesn't work for me. That's just the way it is.
 
I also find it kind of awkward when everyone who is telling me to do what I want for the wedding then is astonished that I do things that are important to me, and choose to not do other things. I am discovering that some of the things most important to us are some of the things that no one knew about us. I'm not sure if that will make sense to everyone else.
 
Basically, this wedding has given me the opportunity to open up and stand a little taller, a little stronger when confronted with arguments about something I believe in, something that is important to me.
 
And I am glad.