Hmmmm....

I have been thinking...

(Yes, I know that I shouldn't, I just have too much time on my hands right now)

... You know how most little girls play house and dream about having their own children, homes, families...?

I am starting to realize that it is more an instinct. The side of us that thinks about the money issues, the impact on relationships and lives, that's all conscious thought. The whole "waiting until we're ready" thing.

I would just like to mention that I am 100% sure that

a) I am not pregnant;
b) I have not recently thought I might have been;
c) I do not plan (with OR without Chris' knowledge) plan to be pregnant anytime soon;
d) all of the above repeated again for good measure!

If you think too much about it (and I think most people do these days), you'd probably never have had children. Now, I am more than certain that those of you with children will tell me the pain of childbirth, the pregnancy symptoms, and all of the other 'fun' stuff that comes with kids growing up was well worth it.

But seriously, these days, there is so much out there, and plenty in here (pointing to head) telling people how hard it will be to have kids. The money it takes, the time you won't have. There's articles on how to manage time better. I just think people over think the whole issue.
I would guess that in general, the second time around would be easier.

IF you saved all of the clothing, toys, carseats, etc. You would have all of the hand me downs, and diapers, formula and sleep might be the only thing you'd need. (Although, after the first few years of hand me downs get worn through, I think it would get more expensive: school).

I, of course, have never had children. I speak only from the guesstimation part of my brain. That same part that overthinks everything else, can rationalize babbling about something I have no experience with.

I think I am trying to tell myself that every time I log out of my email account, the articles that pop up aren't 'must-read'. That they don't know everything about everything. That I won't need to have spent hours each week reading articles that vary from the previous month's worth by a sentence or two to be a good mom, when the time comes. That I don't need to read those articles on how to live with people, how to talk to people. That I just need to trust my instincts, open up, talk to people, rather than sitting around watching television. I think I am in information overload.

I have a solution; it's quite a lot easier than most people would think. This is my plan:

Eat simpler. Not every meal has to be a big one. (Simple doesn't mean drive-thru.)
Live simpler. When someone is talking to you, mute or turn off the television. I have learned and am slowly being more conscious of the fact that talking to Chris, my friends, my family, or even just sitting and listening, is better for me than staring blankly at the TV. There is only so much you can learn from watching CSI reruns. Or Simpson’s, Will & Grace, Friends...

And why watch the food network? In moderation is okay, but when I started to watch it every time I turn on the TV...? (Up to 5 hours straight sometimes...) (Warning: strange tangent being taken ahead)

I will admit I am guilty of not really being able to just be. I am not really sure which genre of books I am interested in. I get really frustrated going to the library.

Occasionally, I will find a really great book, and absolutely love reading it. I go to the library to get another, usually check out several books, and end up not reading most of them.

I just don't know what I want to read.

I can honestly tell you I'd never get sick of reading cookbooks. But they have NO PLOT!

I have considered writing a really great cookbook that has a plot of some kind, but just can't seem to put it together.

I've always secretly wanted to be a writer, but can't get past the first few pages of a story. It never develops.

How can I find a bunch of really great books?

I am getting kind of sick of the self help ones, the spirituality ones... I have a few I haven't yet read, so I would like to not add to that list until I have crossed a few more off of the list.

Besides, I have a few more that I have already read, that I would like to read again. Some of those amazing books you find, that you can't bear to just borrow them from the library, you want to have a copy. I have some of those.

I want to set up a little nook in the den. A comfy chair, good natural light, some plants (probably some herbs) a bookshelf, and several good books.

I have everything (except the plants, well, grown ones. I have oregano started, only one seed came up, so far) that I need besides the books.

I don't know what to look for when I go online on the library's book searching page. I usually start with one book I really liked, and then go from there to similar books. Then I get sick of reading the same thing, and eventually stop reading them. If I haven't found anything new, I just kind of stop reading.

I think I need to go through my old books. I have been lugging them around for a few moves, and haven't opened them, and want to know what's in there. I think I will sell my old Stephen King books. I was a huge fan in my pre- and teens, but haven't touched one, or even had an inkling of an urge to, in years.

I want to find my 'Professional Cooking' book and reread it. I also want to buy 'Professional Baking' so I can learn more about baking.

I never get bored going through those books.

Next time I am in Edmonton, I should go to NAIT's bookstore, Reads and Needs, and see if they have any used copies of the baking one for sale, even though I am sure they are scooped up almost immediately.

So, it is late and I was tired before I started this, so I will go.

But first: Please, please, please, leave me any suggestions for book reading that you might have. I would appreciate it if anyone could leave me any titles, authors, anything, even genres you think I'd like to search and see.

You never know, I might just have to take up romance novels if all else fails...

But I doubt it.

TAK.